Mad men and bachelors

I am happy to report what I hope is a shift in the paradigm of the bachelor party.

The concept still makes me cringe: the last sexual hurrah of the groom-to-be, aka strip clubs, booze, cigars, etc. Ew. Not that I’m a prude—but, well, stripping is problematic on so many levels I can’t even begin to address them, and, while I enjoy my own cocktails/beer/wine, hitting the booze at bachelor party-level quantities, makes people behave in ways that make you wonder why anyone would want to marry them, especially the day after. Cigars – well, as long as you don’t smoke them near me I suppose they’re not so very bad.

My judgments aside (yes, I’m judging!), I loved hearing about two recent bachelors celebrating with their buddies. One group ate burgers and shakes, then hit the board games: Risk, Star Wars version. The other party involved Mexican food and bowling.

I love this. I love it especially in the face of another, more disturbing trend: the popularity of “Mad Men,” the television hit.

I watched this once early in its inception and was repelled. Sexism at its zenith. A bachelor’s party would have been the least of it. On top of that, materialism on parade, infecting the entire cast and, it seem, the entire culture it represents. It is Madison Avenue (hence “mad” men), so I guess it’s understandable—but still unappealing.

Despite my distaste for this show, people keep referencing it—smart people. There's a clothing line. A Barbie and Ken, Mad Men-style. Maybe I’m missing something? So I tried again.

Cue the first episode. The show’s main character sleeps with an independent, artsy woman (is this a bad-girl depiction?) while his beautiful wife and children wait at home. Young upstart smarms it up in the office, commenting on the new “girl’s” skirt length (not enough leg showing). The culture is established, the sexy, stylish swagger has made its impact (yes, they are beautiful people to look at) and the token exceptions—senior colleague schools smarmer about insulting the secretarial pool, but only because they won’t do your work well if you cross them; said “new girl” propositions the first powerful man she can, a curious but troubling role reversal—does little to dilute the feeling of wanting to shower after viewing the entire show.

Then, in the New York Times, I see that many viewers can’t get enough of this stuff. The article lists alternative shows to tide them over while Mad Men is on hiatus.

What is this about? Nostalgia for a pre-PC universe? For a time when men could disrespect women unapologetically? For men, maybe—but why would women watch it?

Or is it about fashion? (Banana Republic has a Mad Men line—I liked the safari theme better.) Is it about the origin of feminism—a portrait of why women rose up? But it’s too hard to sit through repeated insults to get to the subtle progress and triumph women MIGHT make in this show, or the moral come-uppances some of the greedier suits might eventually be served.

Other people don’t seem to have such a strong reaction to this show. Why do I find it so repulsive, then? Maybe because I still feel threatened by this sort of disempowerment and disrespect, maybe it’ll happen again. Yes, when I was 21 I was cornered in a senator’s office by a much older, much more powerful man—with a family—who fortunately backed off when I stood up to him. I was ogled by a (male) editor for whom I worked—what to do, allow the smarmy looks and comments, and keep the article assignments, or cut them off and risk losing the client?

If the sort of social history displayed by Mad Men stays in the history books (and films), and out of our reality—and if new bachelors keep opting out of the strippers-n-booze parties, maybe my daughter won’t have to face these sorts of dilemmas.