Spinning

When the kids were small, and dentists were new to them, I decided I’d reject the old dreaded trip to the dentist routine and use spin to make it more appealing. As someone who cringes when approached with sharp tools near my mouth, this was no small feat. But I knew other people who liked the feeling of clean teeth, who didn’t mind so much going to the dentist. Maybe my kids could be like that.

The result? They never clamored to go to the dentist, but they didn’t protest, either, and they never bit him – as one of their young friends did once. I’m not sure their lack of dread was due to anything I did. You never know, really, whether our children do something good (or bad) because of us parents, in spite of us, or just because that’s who they are and it has nothing to do with us. But. If I did have any influence, I’d credit a small turn of phrase I intentionally used each time we headed off for our check-ups.

Instead of “having” to go to the dentist, we “got to” go to the dentist. It helped that our dentist, Michael Bernstein, was kind of a goofy guy who joked around with them and let them choose new toothbrushes at the end of each visit (which, when you’re that young, seems like a big treat). But starting the anticipated trip out as if it were a fun adventure, that might include a treat afterward, couldn’t have hurt.

The best thing about this verbal trick is that it now works with other things, and I can actually trick myself. Tricky, no? The other night, for example. I went out with a friend for a glass of wine. Anticipating that I’d be cutting off the evening early because Clara needed help studying her vocabulary words for school, I began to think about “having to” drill Clara with vocab flash cards. But my new habit caught me, and instead I thought, I’m “getting to” do vocabulary. Which is really closer to the truth, anyway. I love words. I love learning new ones. I love sharing them with my daughter. And the way we do vocabulary flashcards, with dramatic exaggerations of pronunciations and facial expressions meant to give gigantic, give-away hints (Dessicated. Corruption. Calumnious.) often turns into a hilarious session for both of us.

This trick works to varying degrees, and requires different amounts of stretching. For example, now I “get to” sign off the blog and pay bills – not so appealing (though phrasing it this way makes me more likely to feel grateful that I have enough money to pay them all). I also “get to” go back to work assignments – depending on which ones, that’s a mixed blessing.